hmmm.

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Not ~~Le Xuan~~ anymore, i'm afraid.
Not anyone much anymore.

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✏ Too young, too dumb to realise.

<$BlogDateHeaderDate $> @ 12:25 AM

Honestly I never understood the things they say like "why try to be someone else if you can be yourself?" Why shouldn't you try to be someone else if you're a fake mean disgusting mess????? It's terribly difficult to accept the failure I am

It's not one of those posts where I think of something cool and type it possibly to garner some approving likes from the people I barely know. I admit, that happens a little too often hahahaha why am I one of those losers I often snigger at? (No surprise there actually considering the hyprocrite you are) then again, everything is subjective; somedays Miss generosity is unleashed and I let myself get away with everything. But maybe not today.

I actually am wondering. I wonder what made me do things this way, why I don't (can't) act as benevolently as I used to, if happiness expires in due time (or if it already has). What made me turn out this way? (Though I have a hunch I already know the answer) sad but true, spending whole lives asking self rhetorical questions whose answers you already know (damn well).

I have a fetish for exclusivity - the symptoms have been glaring in my face for so damn long it's a wonder how I never noticed. But "the closer you look the less you see right?" quoting a movie I haven't watched.. it's either best or worst, first or last, special or.. nothing. For now it's a habit I have to learn to change.

I think it's embarrassing to be so thoroughly in love with someone who doesn't love you back.

But I think many things.. often with little or no substantiation that's why I'll probably do pretty well at smoking? #haze hahahaha

I also think that I'll end up one of those pompous self-consumed idiots who actually know nothing and abide by nothing more than the smallish thoughts in their smallish brains - possibly about how small other people seem in contrast to themselves. But we all know a big ego is a sign of low self-esteem. (Another baseless claim, but I'm walking evidence, if I do count) Notice how I cannot start with anything other than "I" look at the results showing already...

It's impossible to accept a me you don't.

It's true you'll make time for the things that really matter. Busy is just an excuse. But the fact is.. you know I have so many things I'd like to say but studies (my observations hahaha) have shown if you've nothing better to say, don't say anything at all. The less you reveal the less likely you'd be held against..

If I were to sum my life (as of now) up, it'd probably be as a pencil broken by my own carelessness (I should say stupidity) and put back together again still adapted to my function but flawed now, wrong.

No one knows what is wrong at birth (what is right either). Wrong is a definition of man (as many many many orher things are). Srsly I don't support it (obviously) but I wracked my brains wondering what was wrong with incest other than the fact that it is morally incorrect.. and even then, morally incorrect is a guideline set (again) by man. And you wonder how powerful man is.

We've fallen prey to our own devices (specifically the mind). Best we learn how to control it before it gets out of hand.

You wish you didn't care - it wouldn't matter then, would it? - yet goddamn thankful you still do. Any feeling is better than devoid.

Sigh whatever am I to do with myself