It's tomorrow! I mean today.

Hopefully it'll be enjoyable for the campers although I want nothing more than to get to Friday.

Gone beyond the exhausted stage even before the camp, big whoop. 2 hours of sleep might be worse than no sleep at all...............

Good luck everyone haha :)

Anyway, what now?

Haven't done anything much for the entire month. Need to stop wasting time need to stop wasting time arghhhhhhhhhh. Feel like I'm running on reserve tolerance for most people sigh. Your existence is annoying me and it isn't even your fault sighza.

COALs is next week and........................... I'll leave it at that.

Hope all the upcoming events go well. Quite hyped up for farewell although its still 2 months away. Things will fall into place, I can feel it :-)

Can the people I stalk post more anw I need sth to read~~~~~~

Pretty people are pretty even when they're considerably round. Judging from outer appearances, I mean. Really beautiful people are pretty even when they're ugly.

Went to Gardens by the Bay ytd (actually on saturday but dumb blogger failed to publish) with the kids.. And my family. And a whole bus of people from the CC from the event my mum organized. Haha seemed like everyone else there was from some other CC or something....... Not going to kid myself into thinking it was fun or anything but it was quite nice la, considering the amount of effort our government put in to recreate our climate and possibly import some new weird species of flora. It was nice to that extent. But kinda pathetic how we have to fake our weather eh? Maybe it's time to reevaluate where we're taking things.

On a random note, responsibility is sometimes a necessity I have to be more helpful.

I think that was wrong. I shouldn't have done that.

Meanwhile, I'll be looking for ways to reduce the self-regard and increase the humility and unassuming.

Is it true, you lose your mystery once you reveal your history? I think we revel too much in our misery.

It's been a misty/smoggy month. (Yes I understand they mean polar opposites) but that's exactly what I mean. Agreed with myself not to over think nothing, but being me, somehow I manage to overthink over thinking. I apologize if I seem really out of it most of the time because I am there, I just choose to sit there and watch me being there. Inception ha. Ok not really just some delirious desperation.

Today felt the most productive in ages. Most productive referring to actually doing something (and not lazing about watching anime not to mention rotting) cos I sure as hell didn't do any work sigh. Took 5 hours to draw out the logistics tables and rx edited them all away~ sigh her version is so much better I really wonder why I must be so 多此一举 sometimes.

I don't like when people know what I'm thinking or know what I'm talking about I don't like to think about what they might think about because I know what I'd think about if I knew what they thought about. I don't even dare write what I think anymore because I feel like I've revealed too much, even if it's not enough. I'm just scared la.

I wish eating could solve all your problems.

Burning a hole in my head, taking a toll on my sanity.

Probably just me, but I don't understand how to think the way normal people think. Most of the things I think matter the most don't actually matter at all whilst the things that don't matter actually matter???? I don't know.

Can't make what? I understand. If I don't, let me assume I do.

Funny how we talk about second chances, everyone makes mistakes, it's okay, why are you judging judging is wrong yet we are the ones who cannot forgive or forget.

But face it, most of life comes in streams and phases. Unpredictable as the wind, quiet as the raindrops racing down your car window. When it's over and done, it's gone. No room for negotiation, no "I'm sorry can we try again?" Because no, sometimes you may not try again. Sometimes there is no again. This life is liquid; it doesn't stop to accommodate your faults or weaknesses. As flawed as we are we have to learn to learn whilst moving on. No such thing as putting your life on hold to recover something else. Some mistakes require no amount of sorry because no amount of sorry will make up for it. These mistakes are the deadliest. Like a thorn in the flesh, an ingrown toenail, the wound heals over, new skin grows over time. But the problem lies within, silently anticipating your next move, causing you pain, subtle nagging sting somewhere inside. No matter how, you are unable to rid of it. These are the types of mistakes you grow old with. Pain the evidence of the deeds not undone. The brand of your foolishness. Oh, why were you so silly. I am so sorry that the value of my sorrys have decreased to negligible and they will never make up for the things we've lost and more importantly will never be able to get back.

I still don't listen to my advice.

What if,
I sit down in the cold tomorrow and decide not to write my compo properly?
What if,
I try my luck at the close passage without reading the options?
What if,
I copy whole sentences from the wrong paragraphs for the comprehension?
What if,
I veer off completely answering the open ended thinking question?
What if,
I write so illegibly I can't read my own handwriting?
What if,
I'm just not in the mood.

Unfounded fears, what I'm best at.

You know that certain way people who know how speak like they know how? That edge they have and flaunt effortlessly? Feels like I've lost it; must've been my pride. Somehow the words refuse to come easily to me anymore.. Ideas refuse to formulate in my head, things refuse to fall into place. Maybe I've made them uncomfortable. Maybe it's just another thing I'm destined to lose. But I will exhaust every bone to refrain from believing that, because you live in what you believe in. Haven't really worked much this whole year, but I'm learning. Or at least I think I am, and I try to.

When are things resolved resolved, period? I like to think I have the power to choose what I want in the conclusion (even when I don't) but sometimes maybe you just have to resign to whatever life assigns you and maybe try to move on. Simple as it sounds it isn't half that easy. Things don't feel like the end because it just isn't the end I want. You put things on hold so you can go back to them and finish them off - the way you want. But sometimes things are put off for way too long they are impossible to get back to. So they are cut off midway, left hanging, roughly repackaged. It all happens too fast. The parcel's tied and sent before you can cancel the order - it's a pig in a poke, you realise. There are no returns and no refunds, clearly stated on the package. How now? You live with it and wait for something better.

Not choosing is a choice in itself. Faced with such, I am at a loss, really. It's all against one, actually. It is worth it, it is.

Shouldn't be here when I could be memorising some 名人名言.. But I really refuse to admit that I've lost the touch........... I will retrieve it, just you wait.

You literally won't believe what we did today hahahaha.

But memories memories this is one of the days I won't forget, I think :b 'tis a secret I never told.