I watched a video somewhere and it said it's good to leave unfinished writing, because then you'll come back to it. Here and there I have so many incomplete posts heh, wonder if they count because i sure as hell don't like to return to my mistakes.

I don't like writing in angst, much less posting in angst. It feels raw and shallow and revealing, much too revealing. Your angst is your weakness and your insecurity; pretty sure i don't want to go there. When you calm down you can control your head a little better, think about your words metacognitively and pretty much be more professional at expression ;) 8d="8d" a="a" always="always" and="and" anyway="anyway" are="are" calm="calm" can="can" cannot="cannot" cooler="cooler" different="different" do="do" find="find" good="good" however="however" i="i" if="if" in="in" insightful="insightful" is="is" it="it" m="m" maybe="maybe" mention.="mention." mind="mind" most="most" of="of" or="or" p="p" people="people" pretty="pretty" reanalyse="reanalyse" sad="sad" seem="seem" should="should" so="so" some="some" something="something" states="states" strength="strength" sure="sure" the="the" thing="thing" this="this" though="though" to="to" too="too" weaknesses="weaknesses" write="write" you="you" your="your">
i don't lie. i only reveal certain amounts of truth i'm comfortble with. Sometimes you're undeserving, sometimes i am insecure and sometimes i just bask in the streets of bitchiness whoops hehe. I thought about it and there aren't any wrong feelings in the world. There is only the good, the bad and the pointless, maybe. But nothing so close as to being invalid or incorrect. Therefore, feel free to feel whatever you want :>

On a random note, I think giving people nicknames might or might not make them closer to you. Heh i am guilty as charged here, actually for all the other social practices I fail to find a point in as well.. But oh wellllllllll, my point is nicknames only have an effect if they are the memory of some sticky or funny or epic situation yknow? Reflects on the closeness between people. The wrong way to do it is obviously go to some and be like: oh you look like a rat i'll call you ratface in future. Then again, of course, i'm guilty of this too but i'm learning :b

Finally i really talk too much and do too little it's horriblez D: More often than not, i talk to someone, make a promise to myself (in front of them) to do something about my procrastination in hope that i'll feel guilty and proceed with it. But it almost always never happens. Which mostly (probably) results in everyone thinking i'm some kind of irresponsible freak, of course. On a side note, when I tell someone something i automatically feel like a burden to them and want to liberate myelf from that hold so much, i actually fail to realise any of the promises and actually try to work harder or something. With most things, all I really need is myself though very very unfortunately, it is almost always impossible for me to come to terms with anything considering how self-absorbed i usually am. Hence my failure at life. The worst part is that is doesn't bother me much anymore so i'll probably be left to rot and die. I will save myself I will save myself.

That day during rock climbing, I realised how useless people's cheering can be sometimes, I mean not that it's always a bad thing. But up above there, it's mostly just you, the wall ad your possibly non-existent arm and leg muscles so the last thing you'd want is someone yelling at you telling you to go higher. Ok for me, just for me maybe.. What i'd like is to be given never ending time to experiment and get over myself and eventually get there. But for the most part i usually fail (sigh did i mention how easily i give up nowadays it sucks it really sucks) though I'd prefer a silent climb to a encouraging scaling anytime. Girl needs some space, yo! haha just kidding.

i'm glad i keep this blog because when i find things of my not-so-distant past, i already feel compelled to want to know more. The way i used to speak would damn right piss me off now, really. But it's a good thought, knowing i used to be something else and matured (hopefully) into whatever i am now. Also, it's a futile attempt to will someone to speak the way you deem acceptable. "People don't meet your expectations most of the time, sad to say."

About yesterday, i refuse to feel anything else more or less. it's disappointing to the point of disgusting, i say. Since this is how it's turned out to be and maybe i'll give up soon.. but we'll see how things go, until then. not like i have anything more solid to hold on to though, really. why am i so incompetent in my own sport, i ask myself sometimes then stop short with the lack of a concrete reason. Sometimes the answer's a simple, you just suck lor. hahaha. When i believe (or cease to believe), it does reflect even more on my ability but when i choose to put in everything else there is nothing so i guess i'm getting tired too. Forcefully willing yourself to feel otherwise is exhausting business, i must say.

Life's a ball of angst you choose the bonds to break better form a compound with happiness soon only then will you achieve stability.

bye now :) (btw blogger formatting is a bitch at times, i refuse to fix that error above grrrrrrrrr) bitch is a good word to scold to relieve your stress i think the "tch" sound at the back attributes to its shiokness hahahaha.