heyza.

last day of the hols tmr hmm. really not doing any hmwk hahaha. who's with me?! though i might back out last minute, i'm unreliable like that.

i'm chicken too.

i really need to do something about it it's been too long has been affecting me for so long emotions have been a burden to everyone i cannot be so irresponsible but i'm still so afraid can you reassure me can you help me solve it why am i so pathetic i can be as hopeful as i want now right because i don't think i can be anymore crushed i am way too melodramatic sadness does that to you sometimes you know i've been preparing this for over a year now i guess but i am definite in the face of adversity i will still fail and crumble i don't know what would be best in the time that you've wasted all of our bridges burned down is there anything left to save i don't think i can move on because i will never meet a better group of people so what if you are strong you are helpless but i can't live like this forever tell me what to do please save me i still cannot stand to face you this is the last straw what if this doesn't work i will be truly broken but if it does there will be a better tomorrow still i can't bring myself to use that 50/50 chance my optimism is superficial and mortal poison you will be tired one day the time is too soon i am not ready but i fear i never will be things will not cannot be the same again things have changed drastically i cannot help but hope get over yourself it'll soon be nothing perhaps it already is but it is not a easy as it sounds would you like to try being subjected to such saint-seducing joy everytime i decide on a plan of action something else has to induce my cowardice i am so so so mind-numbingly painfully scared have drowned in regret countless times sick with unease one too many but this is by far the hardest thought's been haunting me since i don't know when i can barely admit it will you forgive my weakness i wish i was right or angry or impulsive or more indignant then i would dare too bad i'm embarrassed and ashamed of my mistake i still cannot do it.

just some more verbal vomit.