Just felt like blogging :) aiie phone type one sure very ugly shall edit it when I have the time~

Chem and English over on Friday. Not satisfying, not proud, not worth doing. Yknow the feeling everytime you hand in a piece of work and you are proud of it? Yeah well I didn't feel like that for any of my papers. Felt nothing, like I didn't even care. Now isn't that weird when you didn't do like 20 marks of chem and well wrote a crappy disorganized piece of unworthy shit for English? This is honestly one of the first times I don't feel excited handing in a compo. I don't like this indifference. I don't like how nothing seems to matter enough to be worth doing anymore. Yes, I really wanted to prove something, like running in this mundanity of a rat race wasn't a necessity. But it has backfired; and instead become a pathetic excuse for me to slack off. My parents, they refuse to motivate me because they only believe in self-motovation sighza. I need something to push meeeeee haiiie. "Don't think, just do" won't work for long enough.

And then there are the days I just feel like throwing myself to someone else to be their responsibility. They can be mine, I don't mind. Just.. I am embarrassed by how pathetic and selfish I am sometimes. I don't want to be seen with myself. Can I go like poof? :D sometimes I wonder if I'm operating on luck. What if my life thus far has just beeen an exceptionally lucky one and this luck is going to wear off soon. What if I'm going to lose everything? One thing's for sure, I am going to die laughing at myself whining nd complaining about every little thing now. Like hahaha jade, your life wasn't perfect enough, let's make people leave you, make you fall hard, and take away everything else. That'll teach you how to whine. But even as I whine and complain, I really acknowledge how lucky I am just to be here with all these amazing people in my life. People whom I nearly forced out of my life, people who could've left if they wanted, and people who've always stayed. I don't have many friends do I guess they're all the same people :) I really hope they don't leave idk what i'd do without them man.. I have a happy family, good friends, and mediocre results, like what more can I ask for? so many things, you'll be surprised. Well people just can never be satisfied. I'm just happy for so many moments on earth already.

Getting tired now, supposed to finish SS new theme but maybe I'll go take a nap first... And wake up tmr morning :p hahaha ok bye :3 Dear readers out there better read it quick before I delete this post tmr or sth :D bye dears~