so, i think i should be pretty scared rn since it's less than a week before MYEs but my revision's not even half done. but i'm not.

sigh sigh sigh forever over estimating yourself xuan. complacency will kill you. it is, already. better buck up quick man. it's sec three and you've planted yourself (unortunately) in the mugger-est batch ever. so competitive, need to win, need power, need status, need to be popular. maybe everyone's like that. remember smth boob said about the sitting on the right track. so what if you're there already? if you don't move people are gonna catch up, people are gonna find you andd overtake. stop living in your bubble, kid.

everytime you experience something, it's a different feeling. even if it's with the same people, even if it's using the same things, even if it's the same place. it's like 温故知新 only it's not. hahahaha just look at my standard of chinese. oh well......

i think chinese is a really pretty language. every language is amazing but chinese is really pretty cool. i mean, if you're good at it, obviously. just wish i'd be really good at it sighhhh. i mean english is cool, but it's an international language, how amazing can you be huh? one of my insecurities. i think strengths double as achilles' heels too. everything that can make you happy can make you just as sad. sigh my command of language is really poor now and i wasn't anywhere close to being at the top in this TA too. plus i'm not scared, don't really feel anything. it's good in a sense, but bad too, yknow what i mean? you need a sense of urgency to suvive in singapore. i like and hate this slackness and indifference. damn me for being so easily influenced i........ sigh all the contradictions in life haha. oh look at how i veered off. pretty amazing huh?

i should talk about more general things here. i'm already easy enough to read as it is. gonna delete the previous posts cos i don't like them. things i do in a moment of impulse hmm, unthinkable. and the things i say to justify myself.... joke. i hate being wrong sigh dk what to do dk how to change dk how to make things right and regardless the other party can threaten you anyway because you're wrong. sigh jade sigh.

better go start on physics. 5 days and 6 subjects untouched. you really deserve a standing ovation xuan. i like xuan it sounds so.... :D jade sounds so cold. really dislike people close to me calling me that makes me so frustrated ugh. lele is cute and well gay. but anything's better than jade i guess :p

byebyebye.