hey, it's been pretty long again yes? i feel like posting all of a sudden, so a short one yea. ah my short always not short one la >< i wasted today kinda D: need to finish hmwk ugh. ye, see my whining is so annoying. i think i shall update on my other blog later, been lazy whoops hehe. okay here goes.

hmmm. we're kinda in the middle of eoys rn which is a really weird time to be posting but well i guess anytime is fine yes? heh. i think i screwed both english and chinese in hindsight. nonono, i wish i didn't by some miracle. i really need to do well to talk to you. but ugh, even as i know i'm not motivated. enough for any results, that is. sucks, maybe it is a test of somesort. or maybe i just am thinking too much as usual. i wonder if anyone else is as paranoid as me. you don't know how paranoid i can be D: hahah and please, you wouldn't want to know either. but anyhow, we're getting off topic here, if there even was any yea. i have to really do well for all my subjects for eoys. like A1 for everything or something yknow?? cos i did so freaking badly for ct3, if i haven't already mentioned :( the scary part is i don't feel the urgency and the sense of needing to do better. i'm just saying i have to, yknow?

i'm really so different from what i was like last year or smth. crazy i keep walking into these huge holes of self created torture. and i repeatedly hurt others, (ok not that much i'm exaggerating, thank goodness) but still. one day if i get hurt again i will deserve it. let me deserve it damnit. plus i have somehow managed to establish this awkward wall between me and pretty much everyone else. i am just so amazing, aren't i? now i live in comfortable awkwardness, where i refuse to do anything for my life anymore. i'm like jaded or smth?? gosh haha maybe i'm justso melo-dramatic. i hate people who over react over every small thing, so i guess i hate myself then? but i don't even hate the state that i'm in anymore. i wish i could hurt to feel but being the coward that i am i will probably stay in that state. i hate people helping me cos i don't think i do enough to help myself. maybe it'll be the same thing again, this time out of circumstance.

sigh. after eoys it's playing and fun and bonding with class and then it's sec 3 already. this year seem sosososo long, but so short at the same time. but still not long enough. 2P is muchmuch more bonded than 1P but still, we aren't a close knit. gosh i think i sure cry on the last day man hahaha like some kind of weepy baby. see, i swear i am everything that i hate and despise yknow. but i know and i'm not trying to do anything to change it but still. i think people who don't think they are what there are are living in self denial. hahahaha, i'm living in self denial too, funny. oh look i'm veering off topic again heh. i'm really going to miss everyone. i'm going to miss working with beiyi and kavi and wanting thinking we're the best & funnest group all the time :B cos we work fast and work hard and play hard too~ hehe. oh gosh what are the chances we'll end up together again. i'll miss our teachers too. mr aiman and his lame random cold jokes. ms diana being so nice all the time. mr leong being non-existent (HAHA). lin lao shi getting so hyped up (no actually i mean angry but it's the same thing for her) over us. mr chai and his epicness. mrs tan and her love for geog omg hahaha. ms lim and hmm, actually i don't know but yea. i wish we had ms nandwani still, but ms lim's fine too. and those music teachers and mr anil's weirdshit pronunciation (he's gone alr anw). chenweisha and her makeup and cheena accent (she's gone too) and sudlow and his drunkenness.. uhhhhh. mdm zetty for talking to me :') gosh. and ah my clique. i've only been with them this second half of the year but i'm gonna miss them sososo much. ut with her erm non-connectedness with us heh. joee using her phone all the time!! shian being so cute ah and our frogs and idk random stuff. boob and her creepy high jidong laughing ;D the time when the only songs we had in common was hsm! joee and boob spazzing about their ma'ams -,- mabel with her lameness and annoyingness and her know-everything-about-everything-scientificness. boob with her spam texting. mabel with her bipolar dao hyperness. bunny. haha i think people will be typing this nearing the last days of school and i'm the only weirdshit typing it now. when i should be busy doing work. when there are still 6 papers to go. okay i shall save the sadness for next time D':

after eoy, another important thing to do - rebonding with the team. we're so distant now. so close, this close to falling apart. i don't even know what happened, what went wrong, maybe i was the cause :x and as usual, i don't even feel anything anymore damnit. okay i should stop (what do they call it) washing dirty laundry in public? heh no way i'm gonna start ranting on about our sob story (not that there is one anyway, we just drifted apart yea?) okay see what i mean, i shall shut up now..

okay off to do work i have to do work!!!!!!!!!! D:::::::: lovelove.